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Suicide seems to be on the news all the time, do I talk to my kids about it?

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash



It seems that suicide is on the rise; we see more and more of it in the news and on social media.  

But is suicide really more prevalent now than it used to be?  Sadly, yes. Suicide is on the rise over the last several years in the US.  According to a report by the CDC, the overall suicide rate increased more than 30% since 1999.  Suicide is currently the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. In 2017, more than 47,000 American died by suicide (afsp.org).  More Americans die from suicide per year than those that die from breast cancer.  And those are just the number for those who actually completed suicide, not survivors of attempts.  

Suicide is just so selfish!  I’m sure suicide looks selfish to someone who has little experience with mental or emotional anguish, but I assure you, to the suffering person, it has nothing to do with selfishness. Let’s think about why someone would even consider suicide. A person considering suicide typically just wants to feel better. Their emotional pain is so heavy and difficult to bear that they cannot imagine another way out. They genuinely believe that their family would be better off without them, and that they have little to no value. Think on this for a minute. Consider how dark and depressing this line of thinking is. It’s feeling sad and blue times 100.  It’s despair on steroids. It’s a terrible place to be, feeling like there is no way out.

What are the signs of suicide?  Often family and friends are shocked and dismayed at learning a close one has attempted or completed suicide, but many times there are warning signs to be aware of- especially if these behaviors are new or out of character.  An increase in use of alcohol or drugs, extreme mood swing, showing rage, talking about seeking revenge, behaving recklessly, talking of feeling trapped or having unbearable pain are all concerning behaviors.

Another major sign is a person is making or giving their things away to family and friends. This is a red flag, especially if your loved one has a history of depression, bipolar disorder or anxiety.  Sometimes the person considering suicide actually seems to be brighter and happier just before an attempt, because they feel relief that an end to their suffering is near.

Clearly, if someone is talking about killing themselves and/or researching methods (particularly kids online), you need to be concerned and get help.

But talking about suicide will only make it worse, right?  Nope. Talking about suicide is proven to decrease the stigma, decrease isolation of the person, and decrease attempts.  While a conversation about suicide is uncomfortable, not talking about it shows that it’s not safe to talk about it. Many people worry that by using the word suicide or self harm, they will give the person the idea of suicide. This is just simply not true, and frankly is vastly underestimating the mental capacity of your loved one.  

But my child is too young to know about suicide or talk about it.  You’re likely wrong again.  If you kid goes to daycare, school, has access to the internet and social media, the news and YouTube, then your kid has already heard the word ‘suicide.’  If your kid has heard the word, don’t you want to teach your child that you are a safe person to talk to it about? That it’s ok to ask questions? If your child is very young, then you don’t need to go into details, but there’s no reason to pretend that suicide doesn’t exist.  

For older kids (like adolescents and older), their friends are likely talking about it. They’ve seen information about attempts of celebrities online and in the media.  A family member may have attempted or even completed, which increase their own risk of attempting.

Talk about it in a calm, conversational way.  Suicide is tragic. It’s scary; it’s a dark and heavy place.  Make sure your children know how to get help, and who they can get help from (hint: it doesn’t have to be you).  Don’t add to the shame and stigma of suicide, just be open and don’t be afraid to seek help.

More Americans die from suicide per year than those that die from breast cancer. Why aren’t we talking about it?

~Larena

For immediate help, 24/7: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK, or Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.

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Only crazy people go to therapy. I’m not crazy. I don’t need a therapist.

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash

Reality check:  we’re all a bit “crazy”.  Normal isn’t really a thing, even though society will have you thinking otherwise. There are different types of behavior:  typical, average, and common. We each have our own “brand” of normal, one based on our own concept of self and life. Therefore, there is no “normal” that we all universally experience.  

Given all of that, most anyone can benefit from therapy. Contrary to popular belief, therapists don’t give advice (that’s what your family and friends do). A good therapist helps you explore your issues, challenges, obstacles, and goals then helps you figure out how to overcome them or simply learn how to live within a certain situation.

Let me give you an example: You’re a parent, and you’re struggling. You have kids all doing kid things which push your buttons. You have your own stressors as a person: work life (or you’re a stay at home parent, which creates its own brand of challenges), running a household, being a supportive and loving partner, but are feeling your personal identity and inner life drifting away.  Day to day activities feel mundane and boring. Your health is suffering. Motivation to do anything other than the absolutely required is gone. The family is eating out more and more because cooking and cleaning is just too much work. Sound familiar?

Here’s another example: You have an aging parent and are beginning to realize the rising needs and costs associated with caring for another person. You already have a full plate, but really feel responsible and want to care for your family member. There are also family dynamics and differing opinions to navigate. You’re exhausted and conflicted.

Or maybe you have a special needs child.  But not the type of disability that others can see, rather, it’s a developmental one that only appears when your child is told ‘no’ or not given what they want. Maybe they don’t know how to manager their feels of anger and frustration. You’re yelling more and more, feeling increasingly defeated and alone. Your partner (if you’re still together) is also becoming more and more distant.

I could go on and on with examples, but I think you get the picture. All of these scenarios could be any one of us at one time or another. While each of these examples is unique and different, they all have a common thread in that they are all part of ordinary daily life. This is reality. There are periods of time that go great that we know how to navigate.  But there are also times that we need help. There are times that we are so inside a problem that we can’t see life outside of the problem (think the “can’t see the forest for the trees” metaphor).  

This is where counseling comes in. A qualified therapist can help you navigate the forest and the trees to identify the problem, figure out your goals, and create a plan of action. None of this means we’re not functioning or getting through the day. You probably are. But do you feel enriched by your life? Happy with your choices? Do you find enjoyment in your life?  Are you inspired to achieve your dreams? Do you even know what your passions are?

If not, it’s time to find out. What are you waiting for?

~Larena