It seems that suicide is on the rise; we see more and more of it in the news and on social media.
But is suicide really more prevalent now than it used to be? Sadly, yes. Suicide is on the rise over the last several years in the US. According to a report by the CDC, the overall suicide rate increased more than 30% since 1999. Suicide is currently the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. In 2017, more than 47,000 American died by suicide (afsp.org). More Americans die from suicide per year than those that die from breast cancer. And those are just the number for those who actually completed suicide, not survivors of attempts.
Suicide is just so selfish! I’m sure suicide looks selfish to someone who has little experience with mental or emotional anguish, but I assure you, to the suffering person, it has nothing to do with selfishness. Let’s think about why someone would even consider suicide. A person considering suicide typically just wants to feel better. Their emotional pain is so heavy and difficult to bear that they cannot imagine another way out. They genuinely believe that their family would be better off without them, and that they have little to no value. Think on this for a minute. Consider how dark and depressing this line of thinking is. It’s feeling sad and blue times 100. It’s despair on steroids. It’s a terrible place to be, feeling like there is no way out.
What are the signs of suicide? Often family and friends are shocked and dismayed at learning a close one has attempted or completed suicide, but many times there are warning signs to be aware of- especially if these behaviors are new or out of character. An increase in use of alcohol or drugs, extreme mood swing, showing rage, talking about seeking revenge, behaving recklessly, talking of feeling trapped or having unbearable pain are all concerning behaviors.
Another major sign is a person is making or giving their things away to family and friends. This is a red flag, especially if your loved one has a history of depression, bipolar disorder or anxiety. Sometimes the person considering suicide actually seems to be brighter and happier just before an attempt, because they feel relief that an end to their suffering is near.
Clearly, if someone is talking about killing themselves and/or researching methods (particularly kids online), you need to be concerned and get help.
But talking about suicide will only make it worse, right? Nope. Talking about suicide is proven to decrease the stigma, decrease isolation of the person, and decrease attempts. While a conversation about suicide is uncomfortable, not talking about it shows that it’s not safe to talk about it. Many people worry that by using the word suicide or self harm, they will give the person the idea of suicide. This is just simply not true, and frankly is vastly underestimating the mental capacity of your loved one.
But my child is too young to know about suicide or talk about it. You’re likely wrong again. If you kid goes to daycare, school, has access to the internet and social media, the news and YouTube, then your kid has already heard the word ‘suicide.’ If your kid has heard the word, don’t you want to teach your child that you are a safe person to talk to it about? That it’s ok to ask questions? If your child is very young, then you don’t need to go into details, but there’s no reason to pretend that suicide doesn’t exist.
For older kids (like adolescents and older), their friends are likely talking about it. They’ve seen information about attempts of celebrities online and in the media. A family member may have attempted or even completed, which increase their own risk of attempting.
Talk about it in a calm, conversational way. Suicide is tragic. It’s scary; it’s a dark and heavy place. Make sure your children know how to get help, and who they can get help from (hint: it doesn’t have to be you). Don’t add to the shame and stigma of suicide, just be open and don’t be afraid to seek help.
More Americans die from suicide per year than those that die from breast cancer. Why aren’t we talking about it?
~Larena
For immediate help, 24/7: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK, or Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.
Well said, Counselor!